I’m getting clearer on what I want to do next. It feels like the right move, but I can feel the fear. How will I make money? Is this feasible? Where will I go? What will I do? Will I be alone? What is the point?
Listening to a youtube video the other day, Evan Rock discussed one’s purpose in life and how simple it can be. My purpose can be as plain as playing the piano every day. It doesn’t have to be some big, life altering thing. It can be focused on the things that bring you joy.
So what brings me joy? What has always brought me joy?
Something about going. Movement. Objects in motion. I love movement. Hence why I find myself writing this in Hawaii.
Stagnation and routine don’t settle well with me. I’m under the illusion of comfort when they appear in my life, but I’m starting to believe that’s my ego. My soul is on fire when I’m moving. That’s where my passion lies. Only thing is I’m feeling forced to monetize this passion of mine and fear keeps me grounded. When I’m actually happiest on the move.
When someone asks me what I want to do with my life, if I were to give them the truth, “travel” they wouldn’t understand or believe in me. I think this is why I couldn’t face the truth myself for so long.
I don’t want to be a travel blogger. I don’t want to work with companies and post ads for money. I don’t want to film my experiences and make Youtube videos. But I felt all those things were necessary if I were to travel for the unforeseeable future.
This could go one of two ways:
- I follow my passion and trust that things will work out the way they are meant to (and they do).
- I honor my passion like Elizabeth Gilbert says and don’t put the pressure of providing for me on it.
I’ve ignored my intuition SO many times. Don’t be like me. Listen to your gut. Don’t let your mind shut it out so easily.
I think there are so many people and experiences out there that I’m meant to encounter. This is the path for me, I just need to be brave enough to take that first step.
Feel the fear and do it anyway.
A couple years ago when I started this blog, I thought I’d be writing so much more. I mean…I love to journal, so why would this be any different?
Oh wait. You mean this gets posted on the internet for someone else to stumble across?
Then I got f r o z e n
How could I write on a blog when all I wrote about in my journal was my daily life? I didn’t want that immortalized on the inter web.
But a close friend reminded me of my blog and I’ve been having some crazy thoughts lately that I could potentially share on here.
I’m still chasing this life after all…
Right now, I’m trying to take some control back over my life. Stop letting things like…
…take the wheel.
I’ve become somewhat of an expert at that (not to brag or anything…)
It’s quite empowering to realize this is MY life and I get to live it the way that I desire.
So I’ll leave you for now with a thought:
if you don’t go after what you want, you will never have it.
It sounds harsh, but if you mull it over, you’ll see that it’s simply the truth.
It feels a little conceited to think that people will care about what I have to say. And yet, it also is very negative to think that no one will care about what I have to say. Double edged sword. Yippee.
So why start a blog anyway?
Well, I love to journal. I love the clarity that comes from putting my thoughts down on paper. It has helped me think through many of the small problems I’ve come across. It also helps me to stop overthinking – something I love to do in my free time.
Whenever I stress about anything, it helps to write down everything that comes to my mind. No filter. No judgment. Just words. It’s really helpful!
The issue with blogging is that I want to filter my thoughts because of judgment or how they may come across to you. I’m a human who experiences anger, sadness, frustration, etc. and those emotions can be extreme to read – especially when you don’t really know who I am.
So why start a blog?
…because I can. Why not try out something new?
My default is always stick to comfort over new experiences – but part of me doesn’t agree with my typical response. So this was one step I took last year (2015) to try and write in a blog format.
I thought…”so many people do this regularly and make a living off it, why can’t I?”
I also thought this was what I wanted to do for a living a few months ago…but now I’m not so sure. Time changes everything, including your thoughts. Mine change daily. So while I don’t know what I want to do, I’m going to keep at this blog – even though I post once every few months (sorry!).
Thanks for reading my random thoughts if you found yourself here. Maybe you found my blog for a reason? Hope you find some answers for yourself here.
It’s okay to feel vulnerable. It’s okay to be scared of something. But to let that control you is not the kind of life you want to live. Fear is the most dominant emotion in my life. It drowns me in anger, jealousy, judgment, and stagnation. All of those emotions are so heavy you forget to breathe. That makes it really hard to manifest the positivity you so desperately desire.
I believe being vulnerable will help you begin to shed the weight of your negativity. It will help you realize that you are a gift to the world.
It has taken me years to begin to understand that making mistakes is normal. When it came to school, I did not want to fail for so many of the wrong reasons. But my path has led me to where I am today and that I am very grateful for.
So how does one be vulnerable?
My interpretation of it is to live just outside your comfort zone. When you do that, you tend to live a more honest life and I see honesty as the core to being vulnerable. For example, you look into taking yoga classes. After reading all the benefits of yoga and picking out the perfect studio, you are pumped to try it out. But as soon as you get to the studio and see all the other people stretching and chatting in their fancy yoga clothes, you panic.
Why am I doing this? Let’s just go home and try another day…
That uncomfortable feeling you get through being out of your comfort zone is vulnerability.
This year, I’m going to seek out feeling vulnerable once a month (at least). I want to work toward figuring out my true self and what better way than to actually challenge myself?!
It’s not going to be easy…especially after the calm year I just had in 2015. I’m going to push myself in 2016. Let’s just hope I’m not all talk…
What’s one thing you would like to try but have been putting it off?
Have you ever had a dream that you’re embarrassed to share out loud?
And I didn’t realize it until yesterday.
But I am very glad I did because I believe it has been holding me back from reaching my full potential. The fact that I couldn’t admit to others what it is that I really want to pursue meant that I was still unsure of myself & my goals (which I still am to some degree – it’s a process).
Well what has changed?
Now, I really want it to come true, so I’m going to spill the beans and leave myself feeling vulnerable in order to help get myself closer to my dream…I want to travel the world for a living.
There. I said it. (More or less). It feels really good to get that off my chest! I’m tired of feeling ashamed or worried about having this dream. If other people out there can do it, so can I! I’ve been holding onto it for entirely too long, thinking it’s a wasted dream and will never happen. But I’m done with that negativity. I want to get this show on the road! (pun intended).
It’s finally time that I start taking steps in that direction. Now that I know where I’m headed, I feel more at peace with myself than I had anticipated. I suppose that’s bound to happen when you act in accordance with your true self and your own beliefs. (Yay!)
Don’t get me wrong, there are still a million worries/concerns running through my mind. But when I consider the alternatives to traveling the world, none of them can compare. I think that’s how I figured out this was the real deal. Eek!
I hope this helps you think about your dreams a little and don’t be afraid to say them aloud. It may help give you the little push you need to take that first step.
For a while I had absolutely no clue what I was doing with my life. And I still don’t to some extent.
I am, however, getting more clarity about life.
Now what do I mean by clarity about life?
It’s that light bulb moment where you realize you were going about it all wrong. It’s when you see your life from an aerial view and grasp a new perspective on things.
So recently I’ve gained some clarity and insight on myself that I would like to share…
Over the last 3 months, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m not remotely interested in an ordinary job. I believe that when you’re stuck making a decision for a long period of time (i.e. 4+ months) and nothing feels quite right, you should trust your instincts. Truthfully, I don’t believe I was put on this planet to work in an office or retail or sales and so on. So I’m going to follow my heart wherever it takes me.
The first thing that comes to my mind is travel.
I’ve always had a strong love of and desire to travel. But I struggle with the concept of solo travel because I love being around people I know. This is something I want to overcome (with time and practice). So I’m looking into doing my first solo trip somewhere mellow and easy to acclimate myself. Maybe this will help me gain more clarity surrounding my life?!
Let me know if you have any suggestions of places to look into visiting!
I started this blog because I wanted to become a travel blogger. But I have now realized that putting such pressure on myself has made this blog difficult to maintain. Since none of my posts have really been about travel, I tend to discard a lot of drafts about many of my random thoughts.
So now I am giving myself the freedom to go with the flow. How great does that sound?
Today I thought I should mention the big change that’s happened recently – I quit my job a few months ago and moved across the country (eek!) to a no-job situation. It’s still a little unbelievable that I did something this crazy. All my life, I’ve dreamt about doing something exciting and irrational but haven’t followed through with anything. This would be my first time.
I did it because I wasn’t satisfied with the quality of my life at the time. It felt like there was something else out there for me and that was what I needed to do if I wanted to find it. While every day is full of worry about many things, I’m working on developing a new perspective and more positive demeanor. I feel that will make a huge difference at this point in my life.
Life has so much to offer and deep down under all the fear and anxiety, I want to experience it all. Okay. Maybe not everything. But you get the idea.