i’m learning that most people naturally live their life inside a box.

this box has been built when they were a young age. when they were little they could move around more freely inside it. but as they get older there is less and less room.

as an adult they are crammed inside this box but they don’t know anything different. that is their reality. they built that box based on what everyone told them and modeled for them at their young age.

so it’s their current reality. it’s all they know.

however, the box can be modified and it does happen. when we see someone or something that shifts our thoughts into a new perspective, helping us realize there’s more potential out there than we think. but if there are no changes made in their life, the box will stay the same.

it also serves as our comfort zone. it’s the foundation for how we see the world, how we interact with others, and how we choose to live our life.

i hate to think that people live their whole life inside that box. limiting themselves to what they can accomplish and what they can achieve. telling themselves that this is how life is and there’s no way around it.

i’ve been inside that box. i built a box of my own when i was younger. and i lived inside it for years. until i could see out some of the cracks and began to notice (slowly over the past 5 years) that there was more to life than what i could see inside my box.

so over the years, i’ve been learning how to build something else. my life. i’ve slowly been taking down the walls of the box i called home for so long. lovingly removing the limitations i held onto so dearly because they provided me with comfort and stability. yet we all know that those limitations will never bring us true happiness and peace.

life is so beautiful. and you are too. don’t forget that.

my wish for everyone is to find out what life is like outside their box. figure out how their mind is limiting their reality. and know that they can have and achieve so much more in life.

you deserve it. you are worth it.

much love

xx

this is huge.

i am choosing myself.

this doesn’t happen too often in my life. don’t get me wrong, i can be selfish just like any other person (and i am).

but i am a people pleaser. especially to those who i care about. i don’t like to disappoint and i’m learning to get over that feeling – you can’t please everyone.

this is different.

why?

because it involves a guy. and i definitely don’t know how to choose myself in that scenario. i’m trying to learn.

i really love the word surrender. but i’m also liking instead lately.

he doesn’t choose me first (ever) from my perspective. so i’m practicing choosing myself first instead.

let me tell ya, it’s scary.

not to be dramatic…but i am terrified.

not to worry. that’s just all my past programming and ego coming to the rescue (but not really). so i’m just leaning into it and showing myself all the love and compassion.

so…instead of giving away my energy and love to someone else, i’m going to give it to myself. see what happens

maybe try choosing yourself in one scenario this week. see what happens

much love

xx

it took me a long time to figure out why i chose this name for this website.

i’m still not entirely sure this is accurate

however, i was journaling and i wrote down about chasing the things i love in life.

this contradicts a book i’m currently reading by Pema Chodron.

she references the fluidity and impermanence of this world. so chasing after the things that make us feel good and trying to avoid the things that don’t isn’t the way to live life.

that causes us to live in a place of resistance. labeling. seeing things as good or bad.

life isn’t black or white.

so this site serves as a reminder to me that i’m not chasing things in life. i’m not chasing this life. i’m surrendering and allowing life to flow through me.

i am a creative being – i love individuality and those fellow creatives out there who are in touch with their soul.

writing has always been an outlet for me. even at a young age. but i’ve never really “perfected it” or practiced. i was innately decent at grammar in school…not that it means much

but i don’t really know what life is all about.

my goal over the last 5 years or so has been to become aligned and awake. to question things. to love myself fiercely so that i may create passionately and love the world.

so no, i’m not chasing after anything or anyone. i am still. i am open to all possibilities (at least that’s what i’m working on).

honestly, i don’t know if this made any sense whatsoever. i’m still gonna post it without much thought. these are just some ramblings after an emotional afternoon.

chasing after things that make you feel good doesn’t open you up to all the possibilities in the world. love every minute. soak it all up. because life is short, as they say.

i cried while meditating again this morning.

not a full on sob-fest that i’d be embarrassed for anyone to see.

just one tear from each eye making its way down my cheeks. taking thoughts and emotions along with it.

i’ve been meditating recently. Deepak Chopra and Oprah have a 21-day meditation thing going on for free (after 6 days, i purchased the whole thing ha!).

it’s honestly been such a good practice for me. i purchased it because i wanted to support something so awesome AND i wanted to access these meditations whenever i wanted.

they are so powerful and focus on how loving we already are within ourselves.

focusing on loving yourself and knowing who you are comes first before we can learn to love others unconditionally.

that’s what i’m hoping to achieve through this program.

but this is the second time i’ve cried while using their meditation.

i was feeling restless. i couldn’t focus (even with the mantra of the day). until something within me said to grab my rose quartz heart.

with that between my hands, it absorbed all my nervous, restless energy and i was able to be still. so still that those tears fell from my closed eyes.

it’s such a beautiful moment i was able to share with myself. i do feel a bit vulnerable sharing it on the internet. but i’m working on shifting my normal behaviors and living outside the box i created for myself.

plus, Janne Robinson has been a huge inspiration to me recently. (she’s such a bad-ass, definitely consider checking her out on Instagram).

well, thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts. if you have ever pondered meditation, maybe this is a sign to give it a try! youtube is the best free reference to get started.

much love

k

i love to write. journal. read.

but i’m scared. and doubtful.

i don’t like capital letters. and i love lots of punctuation.

my mind gets in the way of my flow when i feel writing counts.

in my journal, there are no “rules” so anything goes. there’s no stopping the flow there.

but here…i have to say something that matters. something that doesn’t waste your time.

who says i have to? me?

yep. me.

keeping it real is something i love about some humans on the internet.

their posts and blogs and videos light me up.

why censor myself?

creativity is my jam. so is writing.

i even started what i thought would be a book. ha! someday i’ll come back to that.

that voice in my head tells me no one cares about what i have to say. that kinda makes me laugh. just kidding, i’m smiling and laughing out loud at how ridiculous it sounds.

so on this spiritual path of mine, i’m going to stop giving a fuck. i’m gonna start posting all the shit that flows from my head on here.

i started this blog for a reason and haven’t been able to part with it for years. i felt there was always something here. a way to channel creativity.

no one knows this blog exists (of all the humans i personally know in this world).

for now, i’m gonna keep it that way. one day i’ll share it with them. but this is as vulnerable as i can get for one day.

so i love you all to whoever is reading this. everyone needs more love in their life. so stay beautiful and true to yourself.

peace.

p.s. my favorite song right now: Vibes by Griffin Stoller

Do you believe something or someone can be replaced?

If a vase gets broken. Can it be replaced? What if there’s another vase that’s the exact same? Is it really the same vase? Or is it simply another version of something that is actually unique in its own way?

Call me crazy but I don’t there’s a replacement for anything in this world. All things living and non-living are unique in their own way. That’s what makes them so precious and impermanent.

The fact that something can be broken or someone can no longer exist. That’s what helps us savor the moments we do have with those people or precious creations.

Take nothing for granted. From your time here to the breaths you take in this moment.

Life is full of beauty and power if you open your eyes to what’s in front of you. So much is impermanent because life is about change.

Nature is a wonderful example of this. Everything ebbs and flows in perfect harmony. We perceive it as destructive but there’s a reason behind some things dying and others coming to life.

Whoever said nothing lasts forever was right.

I’m not saying this from a high pedestal. Rather this comes from my soul. The part of me that knows and understands the fragility of life. The part of me that is overshadowed by my ego and mind most of the time. She comes forth here and there to remind me of what’s real and truthful.

I wanted to share this because it’s something I’m working on right now. Savoring all moments of my life. Taking a step back to absorb everything in.

Big picture has always been a struggle for me. To grasp where I am literally in this moment is quite difficult for my mind.

But that’s where I get lost once again. It’s not about my mind. My heart and soul don’t have difficulty absorbing my reality. They are fluent in that language.

Back to the point. Don’t lose sight of what’s important to you.

Life is fleeting yet full of so much magical promise. Hold onto that love and strength. And contemplate how you feel about replacements.

Can anything or anyone be replaced? What does the word unique mean to you? Does anything come to mind when you think of that word? Have you smiled today?

Either way, orange isn’t the new orange.

Or is it?

xx

Photo by sifat E Mohammad on Pexels.com

Rollercoasters are fun, right?

People pay to go on them. They stand in line for sometimes hours to ride them. They buy extra passes to skip the lines (because who likes to wait?).

They are meant to be fun.

What about the rollercoasters involved in daily life? The highs and lows. No one tells you about those. No one wants to wait in line or pay money for that.

However, without the lows we don’t truly know what the highs are like.

What I’ve come to know is that I can only take things one day at a time. Life changes too frequently for me to keep up sometimes. It’s easy to laugh a lot of the heavy things off, but when I no longer can I’m trying to practice patience.

Patience is a virtue, some say. And they are right. It’s a freaking virtue I never learned as a kid because I have zero patience with myself. I’m working on it…

So go easy on yourself today. If you didn’t get shit done that you meant to, laugh it off. Life got in the way of your so-called plans. It’s better to relax and enjoy the minutes of your day rather than stay up all night in bed because you hardly did anything that day.

xx K

I’m getting clearer on what I want to do next. It feels like the right move, but I can feel the fear. How will I make money? Is this feasible? Where will I go? What will I do? Will I be alone? What is the point?

Listening to a youtube video the other day, Evan Rock discussed one’s purpose in life and how simple it can be. My purpose can be as plain as playing the piano every day. It doesn’t have to be some big, life altering thing. It can be focused on the things that bring you joy.

So what brings me joy? What has always brought me joy?

TRAVEL.

Something about going. Movement. Objects in motion. I love movement. Hence why I find myself writing this in Hawaii.

Stagnation and routine don’t settle well with me. I’m under the illusion of comfort when they appear in my life, but I’m starting to believe that’s my ego. My soul is on fire when I’m moving. That’s where my passion lies. Only thing is I’m feeling forced to monetize this passion of mine and fear keeps me grounded. When I’m actually happiest on the move.

When someone asks me what I want to do with my life, if I were to give them the truth, “travel” they wouldn’t understand or believe in me. I think this is why I couldn’t face the truth myself for so long.

I don’t want to be a travel blogger. I don’t want to work with companies and post ads for money. I don’t want to film my experiences and make Youtube videos. But I felt all those things were necessary if I were to travel for the unforeseeable future.

This could go one of two ways:

1. I follow my passion and trust that things will work out the way they are meant to (and they do).
2. I honor my passion like Elizabeth Gilbert says and don’t put the pressure of providing for me on it.

I’ve ignored my intuition SO many times. Don’t be like me. Listen to your gut. Don’t let your mind shut it out so easily.

I think there are so many people and experiences out there that I’m meant to encounter. This is the path for me, I just need to be brave enough to take that first step.

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

A couple years ago when I started this blog, I thought I’d be writing so much more. I mean…I love to journal, so why would this be any different?

Oh wait. You mean this gets posted on the internet for someone else to stumble across?

Then I got f r o z e n

How could I write on a blog when all I wrote about in my journal was my daily life? I didn’t want that immortalized on the inter web.

But a close friend reminded me of my blog and I’ve been having some crazy thoughts lately that I could potentially share on here.

I’m still chasing this life after all…

Right now, I’m trying to take some control back over my life. Stop letting things like…

• procrastination
• fear
• insecurity

…take the wheel.

I’ve become somewhat of an expert at that (not to brag or anything…)

It’s quite empowering to realize this is MY life and I get to live it the way that I desire.

So I’ll leave you for now with a thought:

if you don’t go after what you want, you will never have it.

It sounds harsh, but if you mull it over, you’ll see that it’s simply the truth.

xx K